1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:02,680 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,920 [Will] It was the end of my first term, 3 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,920 and my personal report card read, 4 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,280 "Making new friends, C minus. Must try harder." 5 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:29,880 Being one of the cool gang... 6 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:30,760 [imitating engine revving] 7 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:31,680 [gags] 8 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,600 -[Will] D. -Nice badge, dickhead. 9 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,240 Not losing my virginity... 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,520 Whoo! 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,120 Will you put your pants on, please? 12 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,920 A-star. But things were looking up. 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,200 I'd been elected chairman 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,960 of the school's Christmas prom committee. 15 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,800 All right, I was the only candidate, but still. 16 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,920 I really wanted to look the part, 17 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,040 which meant hiring my first ever suit, 18 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,680 and Simon's dad said he knew just the place. 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,200 Are you sure this is the best place to hire suits? 20 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,480 Listen, I've been coming here for years. 21 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,080 Old Mr. Sethi knows me very well. 22 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,200 He'll do you a good deal if you mention my name. 23 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,880 It looks a bit old-fashioned. 24 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,920 Neil, the stuff in here never goes out of fashion. 25 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,080 It's timeless. 26 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,000 Yeah, well, I don't care, 27 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,520 'cause I've already bought a suit. 28 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:17,760 Once, Sethi went mental, 29 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,000 because I brought a suit back covered in grass stains. 30 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,400 If you know what I mean. 31 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,360 Blimey, imagine that. 32 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,280 If you got to hire the exact same suit 33 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,240 I was wearing the first time me and your... 34 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,920 All right, all right. We're going in. 35 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:32,680 What do you think? 36 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,360 Oh, yes. Very nice. It is a lovely fit. 37 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,920 I'm not too sure about the lapels. 38 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,080 Too jazzy? 39 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,160 They are a little too jazzy, yes. 40 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,880 Is this the sort of suit a chairman would wear? 41 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,240 But of course, definitely for a chairman. 42 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,200 Here we go. 43 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,080 'Cause I'm the chairman of this committee 44 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,680 that's organizing our school's Christmas prom this year. 45 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:53,840 That's it. You've now officially told 46 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,840 everyone you've ever laid eyes on. 47 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,720 I just think it's important that people know. That's all. 48 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,840 Yeah, I'm the DJ. That's far more important. 49 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,960 I said you might get to DJ. 50 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,520 Oh, yes! Very, very nice. 51 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,880 I think it's kind of hideous. Is it velvet? 52 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,320 -Too jazzy? -Yeah. Yeah, too jazzy. 53 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,240 And for you, my young friend? Shall I find you something also? 54 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,080 I suppose so. But I need something special, yeah? 55 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:21,800 Something that makes me stand out. 56 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,840 I will get you something extra special, something just for you. 57 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,400 You said I could fucking DJ. Now, don't go back on your word. 58 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,640 Oi, let him DJ. He's part of my plan to seduce Carli. 59 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,160 What's he gonna do? Hold her down? 60 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,200 I get breathless every time I think of her, 61 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,600 and when I see her, my heart does little flips. 62 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,320 -Are you bent? -Shut up! 63 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,800 It's just that right then, you sounded really, really bent. 64 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,720 -Won't her boyfriend be there? -Who? 65 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,800 Well, her boyfriend. The massive rugby player. 66 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,240 Him. Yeah. No. I don't think they're going out. 67 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,160 Or if they are, then they aren't really. 68 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,720 I don't know. But she never says that they definitely are. 69 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,120 -So, maybe they aren't. -Yes. 70 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,840 I mean, that's the most positive possible way of looking at it. 71 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,840 Here we are. Just for you. Perfect. 72 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:06,600 Too jazzy? 73 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,320 [Will] With the prom a few days away, I was stressed. 74 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,080 But I wasn't the only one with things on my mind. 75 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,560 I think I'm ready for a relationship. 76 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,560 You mean you think you're wanking too much? 77 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,520 -Yes. -Talking of which... 78 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,560 -[Jay] Miss Timms. -She's so fit. 79 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,280 It should be illegal for her to teach biology. 80 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,080 I almost knocked one out there and then 81 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,480 when we did the reproduction system. 82 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,200 As something of an outsider, 83 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,840 I'd say that actually, she isn't very fit at all. 84 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,680 She's just the only adult female in the school under 30. 85 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,680 -She is so fit. -No, she isn't. 86 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,360 I mean, she's fine, but she's no... 87 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,160 She'd definitely get it. 88 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,640 If we could all just concentrate above the waist for a second, 89 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,080 I need you all at a planning meeting this lunch. 90 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,560 I've got you some brilliant jobs lined up 91 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:48,560 Like what? 92 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,840 Well, giving out the vouchers 93 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:51,920 that can be exchanged for alcohol. 94 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,840 Shit! If we control the beer vouchers, 95 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,440 we get a pick of the birds. 96 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,640 The drunk birds. 97 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,080 That sounded just a little bit rapey. 98 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,040 Well, say what you like, Professor Words. 99 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,120 Thanks to you, we're gonna be drowning in babes. 100 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,720 I just want the night to be a success. 101 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,520 I've no interest in babes. 102 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,040 Well, that's handy, 'cause they've got no interest in you. 103 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,160 Oh, sorry? Who here has pulled Charlotte Hinchcliffe? 104 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,480 Who? Huh? 105 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,000 Me. That's who. 106 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,920 -She only did it for a bet. -That's not true. 107 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,040 Oh, God, let's not get into all that again. 108 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,080 It is true. 109 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,280 It's not fucking true. 110 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,240 People don't get fingered for a bet, Jay. 111 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,760 With the possible exception of your sister. 112 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,120 -Take that back. -Actually, I do take it back. 113 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,720 Your mum, on the other hand, 114 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,560 she'd probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits. 115 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,320 Oh! 116 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,680 -Oh, no! -Silence! 117 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,000 Oh, no! 118 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:42,640 [Will] Obviously no one cool 119 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,080 wanted to help organize the prom. 120 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,000 So, when it came to recruiting a crack team, 121 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,080 I wasn't exactly spoiled for choice. 122 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,440 But while there may be no "I" in team, 123 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,120 luckily there was a "me". 124 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,800 And if I was to stop these morons 125 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,400 from screwing up my big night, 126 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,360 every fine detail had to be planned. 127 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,280 Right. Welcome. 128 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,960 As you all know, this is the first ever Christmas prom. 129 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,000 Two things are gonna make this event successful. 130 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,680 Teamwork and exceptional leadership. 131 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,320 The first thing we need to discuss 132 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,880 is the agenda and how that-- 133 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,360 -Yes, John? -Are we going to have food? 134 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,920 Yep. Yep, we will. 135 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,040 If you look at the agenda, 136 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,080 that's item four, so we'll get to that. 137 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,800 Because I think we should have food. 138 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,200 I was wondering what type everyone thought we should have. 139 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,080 Yep. As I say, 140 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,480 that is on the agenda, so we'll get to that. 141 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,600 Lasagna's nice, and so are burgers. 142 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,080 You don't need a plate for burgers, 143 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,680 which gives them an edge on lasagna. 144 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,400 Yes, John, please. We'll get to that. 145 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,480 But you can eat burgers off a plate too. 146 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,760 Listen, lard-arse. 147 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,440 There will be food so shut the fuck up 148 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,160 so we can get this over with! 149 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,960 -I just wanted you all-- -Shut up! 150 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,800 Right. Right. Okay. Um... 151 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,600 Item one. Venue. 152 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,880 We're having it in the school hall, obviously. 153 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,040 Item two, band. 154 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,000 We don't need a band. I'm DJing. 155 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,160 After half ten. 156 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,760 I should be DJing the whole thing! 157 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,720 -Well, they're booked now. -You're shit at this. 158 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,000 I'd be much better. 159 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,280 I've organized hundreds of parties. 160 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,120 This is the first ever Christmas prom, 161 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,920 not a chimps' tea party. 162 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,040 What we want is a good, structured evening. 163 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,760 What we want is a big mucky disco and a piss-up. 164 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,440 Hang on. When have you organized parties? 165 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,480 -All the time. -I've known you for ten years 166 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,360 and I have never seen you organize a party. 167 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,760 Bollocks. What about my birthday party last year? 168 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:24,920 Your mum organized that. 169 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,760 Yeah, under my supervision. 170 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,040 -And that was a wicked party. -I fingered a bird. 171 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,760 See? And also, I organize the Caravan Club parties. 172 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,880 Remember, we have been to a Caravan Club party. 173 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,560 -And it was shit. -I fingered a bird. 174 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,640 Well, there you go! 175 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,880 Look, Jay, now's not the time. 176 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,480 Item three. 177 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,160 Seriously, Will, why are we here? 178 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,000 You've clearly decided it all already. 179 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,280 No, I haven't. 180 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,200 There's still loads I need your help with. 181 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,120 Like what? 182 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,760 Like, who cleans up the next day. 183 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,920 -What item's that? -Twenty-eight. 184 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,600 For Christ's sake, just get on with it! 185 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,880 -Okay. Item four, food. -Oh, good. 186 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,480 -[Jay] She did it as a bet. -One more time, that's not true. 187 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,120 Say what you like, I know it was a bet. Ask her. 188 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,120 I will. 189 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,520 Well, there she is over there. Go ask her now. 190 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,040 I'm not going to ask her now. I'll ask her later. 191 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,680 -Or tomorrow at the prom. -Right, course! 192 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,840 Right. Here goes. Phase one. 193 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,640 Carli! 194 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,480 Oh, hi, Simon. 195 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,320 All right, sick-boy boner? 196 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,520 Yeah. Listen, this dance, you are going, aren't you? 197 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,160 -Yeah. -Great. 198 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,000 Great. Maybe we could go together? 199 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,760 I could do with a lift, yeah, thanks. 200 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,400 Right, a lift. Yeah. 201 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,520 Tom's car's broken, so that would be perfect. 202 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,520 Great. Got to get here early to help Will set up. 203 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,880 So, I'll pick you up about 4:00? 204 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,840 4:00? 205 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,200 You want me to get to a prom that starts at 8:00 at 4:00? 206 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,720 Well, that's what time I'm getting there. 207 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,080 There'll be loads to do. 208 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,320 So, what? I could turn up in my evening dress 209 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,640 four hours early and help you blow up balloons? 210 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,120 You could help scrub the floors. 211 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,960 It might be fun. You know, all together. 212 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,000 -Are you mentally ill? -Ha-ha. Good one. 213 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,760 Tell you what, I'll see you there. 214 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,000 In the evening. 215 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,480 Great. Great. I'll see you there, then. 216 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,360 You know, since he's met you, he's become much more of a dick. 217 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,360 Really? 218 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,600 Yeah, he does seem to think more and, like, express himself. 219 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,080 Isn't that a good thing? 220 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:16,880 Does it look like a good thing? 221 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,760 [groans] 222 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,240 -I'm charging you for the chips. -I never had chips! 223 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,880 Right, then. So tomorrow is your Christmas party, or prom, 224 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,640 if you will insist on speaking like our transatlantic cousins. 225 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,160 Myself and Miss Timms will be attending... 226 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,080 Yes! 227 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,920 ...to make sure you enjoy yourselves sensibly. 228 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,880 Now, obviously we want you to have fun, 229 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,880 but in order to make it enjoyable 230 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,800 for everyone, we have a few rules. 231 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,240 One, everyone will get two 232 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,640 alcoholic drink tokens and no more. 233 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,160 Frankly, the last thing I want 234 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,880 is to be cleaning up your dreadful sick, 235 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,640 or even worse, you putting your arms around me 236 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,040 and telling me that I'm, "All right for a teacher," 237 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:09,920 and that you love me. 238 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:15,000 Two, this is a school dance and not the last days of Rome. 239 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:15,880 [chuckles] 240 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,840 What I mean by this is no heavy petting. 241 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,080 And I will be the judge of what constitutes heavy. 242 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,400 -Pervert. -I heard that. 243 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,760 If I see anything that I consider too much, 244 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,000 you will be sent home. 245 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,120 Is that clear? 246 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,080 [students mumble] 247 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,320 -Is that clear? -Yes, sir. 248 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,440 Good. Have a nice evening. 249 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,160 I'll leave you in the hands 250 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,000 of the chairman of the organizing committee, 251 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,440 God help you, William McKenzie. 252 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,840 -Thanks, Phil. Now... -Sorry? 253 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,680 -Thanks for that, Phil. -Phil? 254 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,080 Oh. 255 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,480 It's just 'cause the dance 256 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,960 is outside of school time so I assumed... 257 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,280 Well, you assumed wrong, Will. 258 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,440 -Very wrong. -Sorry. 259 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,960 -Right, then. -Say my name properly. 260 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,760 -Mr. Gilbert. -Say thank you. 261 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,640 -Thank you. -Say, "Thank you, Mr. Gilbert". 262 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,680 -Thank you, Mr. Gilbert. -Better. 263 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,880 Okay. 264 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:29,640 Um... 265 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,680 Just a few things to make sure it runs smoothly, 266 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,600 I've got the schedules here. 267 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,480 I've not forgotten about you. I'll be watching you tomorrow. 268 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,440 And if I see you anywhere near Charlotte, 269 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,640 I'll rip your fucking throat out. 270 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,400 Have a nice time. 271 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,400 Well, that's good. 272 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,000 [Will] Brilliantly, it wasn't just 273 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,760 my reputation on the line at the prom. 274 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,400 Now it was my life. 275 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,120 It was the moment of truth. Prom night had arrived, 276 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,280 and as I watched my crack team setting things up, 277 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,480 it's fair to say I was shitting myself. 278 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,280 David, don't lean on that, it'll come down! 279 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,960 Who's written the toilet signs? 280 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,680 Where are the toilet signs? 281 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,080 We're in the school. Everyone knows where the toilets are. 282 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,320 -They piss in them every day. -Not everyone will know. 283 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,600 We're meant to have signs. Pen! Pen! 284 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,320 It's fucking run out. 285 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,760 How can this be happening? Tonight is a fucking disaster. 286 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,960 It's fine. It's all fine. It looks good. 287 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,520 Look, people are going to judge tonight, and therefore me, 288 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,720 as either a huge success or a massive failure. 289 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,000 You've got balloons. 290 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,200 You're already one up on any event 291 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,360 the school's had before. Just relax. 292 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,560 Also, it's very hard to relax 293 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,040 knowing that Donovan might very well 294 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:39,680 kick the shit out of me at some point. 295 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,640 Oh, right. That makes much more sense. 296 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,000 Anyway, how come you're so calm? 297 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,920 I thought you'd be shitting yourself about Carli. 298 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,200 No, I'm fine. Jay's got his end sorted 299 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,320 and I know exactly what to say. 300 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,400 Right. Are you sure you should trust Jay 301 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,360 with what could be the tenderest moment of your life? 302 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,080 Yeah. He'll be fine. It's a good plan. 303 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,360 And can it be worse than puking on her brother's head? 304 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,120 Maybe. You haven't told me what it is yet. 305 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,200 What the fuck are you wearing? 306 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,400 Oh, my God! And I thought our suits were shit. 307 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,960 Ha! Your cock, it looks so tiny. 308 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,880 -It's like an acorn! -Have you gone mental? 309 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,040 No, this is cool. Look, I saw it in Nuts. 310 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,440 Girls will fancy me because I stand out. 311 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,560 You'll stand out because your cock is minuscule. 312 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,000 Will you stop looking at my cock? 313 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,240 Mate, I think that's brave. 314 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,360 -Really brave. -It's so shit. 315 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,280 Actually, maybe I'd better go 316 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,720 stick a couple of socks down there. 317 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,560 -Any jobs for me? -Wash your hands afterwards. 318 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,760 Gotcha. 319 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,760 Will, where's the toilets? 320 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,480 Oh, for fuck's sake! 321 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,320 [dance music playing] 322 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,120 [Will] Despite being organized by my team of geeks, 323 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,480 it actually looked like people were enjoying the party. 324 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:51,760 [singing] 325 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,520 Mind you, I couldn't afford to relax. 326 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,920 John! John! 327 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,840 Stop eating the burgers! 328 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,320 -He's stressed. -Yeah. 329 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,920 And to be honest, I think it's a pretty good party. 330 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,840 And it just got even better. Here's Miss Timms. 331 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,040 -She actually looks quite fit. -Very fit. 332 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,920 Very fit indeed. 333 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,840 I'm on soon. You ready, Si? Have you found Carli yet? 334 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,880 -Not yet. She'll be here soon. -Another drink? 335 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:54,880 Better not. I don't want a repeat 336 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,280 of what happened last time. 337 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,600 -You okay with the plan? -Yeah. Yeah, I'm on it. 338 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,120 You've got the timings and everything? 339 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,160 Yeah, to the second. 340 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,920 -Please don't fuck it up. -I won't fuck it up! 341 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,880 Go on, go and find her. 342 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,720 Right. Here goes. 343 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,200 [Will] As Neil was about to discover, 344 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,360 the problem with drinking for Dutch courage 345 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,880 is the next level of drunk up from that is Dutch dickhead. 346 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:29,880 So far, so good. 347 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,880 The band rocked, people largely 348 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,240 found the toilets without a sign, 349 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,480 and best of all, my throat remained unripped out. 350 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:37,360 [students cheering] 351 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,920 Now all I had to worry about was Jay's DJing. 352 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:40,960 [music playing] 353 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,240 This isn't on the approved playlist! 354 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,480 No one likes this one, Jay. 355 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,120 Well, that's it, it's a disaster. 356 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:52,960 Hello, stranger. 357 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:54,080 Oh, um... 358 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,440 Hello. 359 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,600 Is... Is Mark not around? 360 00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,320 Why? Were you going to ask him to dance? 361 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,600 [chuckles] 362 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,640 No. No, I wasn't. 363 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,520 -You all right? -Yeah. 364 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,280 I just don't know whether this is any good. 365 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,240 I mean, what makes a cool party? 366 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,080 You and your bloody party, Will. 367 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,600 It's great. Just enjoy yourself. 368 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:13,480 You're just being nice. 369 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,440 Why would I want to be nice to you? 370 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,560 Trust me, I've been to loads of shit 371 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,280 parties and this really isn't one. 372 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,800 -Really? -Yeah. 373 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,080 You've done well. For a geek. 374 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,200 Come on, we're going for a dance. 375 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,560 Oh, I... 376 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,360 I don't really dance, to be honest. 377 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,800 And I've... Yeah, I've got stuff to sort out. 378 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,400 Fine. But you owe me a dance later. Agreed? 379 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,640 Agreed. 380 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,000 -Oh, Charlotte? -Yeah? 381 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,200 -You know us? -Yeah. 382 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,240 I wasn't a bet, was I? 383 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,120 Just enjoy your party. We'll have a dance later. Okay? 384 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,120 -Give us a burger. -You could say please. 385 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,160 Just give me one. 386 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,600 I've got to be back up there in three minutes. 387 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,840 Not until you say please. Manners cost nothing. 388 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,920 For fuck's sake. Can I have a burger, please? 389 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,360 Of course you can. Would you like ketchup on that? 390 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,080 Yeah, go on, then. Please. 391 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,600 Your DJing seems to be going well. 392 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,360 Yeah, it's all right. Made a few cock-ups. 393 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,160 -Well, no one's noticed. -It's weird, but... 394 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,960 I feel better when I'm doing it. Kind of not so tense. 395 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,240 My counselor used to say 396 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,040 that frustration often comes from wanting to be noticed. 397 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,240 Yeah. Yeah, that's it. 398 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,040 It's probably why I exaggerate a bit. 399 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,520 To feel special? 400 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,360 Yeah. It's like sometimes I feel like 401 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:41,760 the kids here don't pay attention to me. 402 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,960 Like I'm so dumb, I don't matter. 403 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,640 I guess making a few things up at least makes them notice. 404 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,320 Do you fancy a beer? 405 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,920 I've still got my two tokens. I don't mind sharing. 406 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,600 Yeah. Yeah, cheers. 407 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,080 I understand how you feel, you know. Back in a moment. 408 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,200 -You're DJing, aren't you? -Yeah. 409 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,680 I used to DJ at a top nightclub in Ibiza. 410 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,040 -Oh, yeah? -I could get you a regular spot. 411 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,160 You look like you're really into it. 412 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,680 Yeah. It's all about being sensitive. 413 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,440 I find it hard to trust, 414 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,920 but when it's just me and the music, I'm sorted. 415 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,520 -Are you bent? -What? 416 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,280 It was just right then, you sounded really, really bent. 417 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,600 I heard. Do you want to come up to the decks with me? 418 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,800 -Yeah, all right. -Got them! 419 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:29,880 You didn't say please. 420 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,320 What about opening up and trusting? 421 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,880 Oh, fuck off, you fat wanker. 422 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,120 Carli? 423 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,520 -Carli. -Simon. 424 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,200 -You got here all right, then? -Looks like it. 425 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,440 -Where's Tom? -Ugh! That dick! 426 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,240 He's out with his rugby mates. 427 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,560 I left them just as they were gonna start drinking beer 428 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:56,880 out of each other's bum cracks. 429 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,840 Right. That's a bit weird, isn't it? 430 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,280 I don't care, I'm not interested. 431 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:01,640 Right. Great. 432 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,200 So, did you want anything in particular? 433 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,560 Yeah. Yeah, I did want something. 434 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,000 [music stops] 435 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,680 Why has the music stopped? 436 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,080 I stopped it. 437 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,280 Because... I need to say that... 438 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,760 I just wanted to say to you that-- 439 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,400 Are you going to ask me to finger myself again? 440 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,840 No, God, no! No. 441 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,560 I just need to say that... 442 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,600 Um... 443 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,600 Simon, I've had enough of dickheads today. What is it? 444 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:36,960 Why are you being so weird? 445 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:37,960 [students tittering] 446 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,720 -Oh, no. No, it's nothing. -Nothing? 447 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,880 I was going to say something, but it's gone now. 448 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,240 What were you going to say? 449 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,280 -I was going to say that-- -[Miss Timms] Neil! 450 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,440 -What the fuck is Neil doing? -Come here. Oh, go on. 451 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,640 -Neil, what are you doing? -I love you. Please. 452 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,520 [students laughing] 453 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,800 -[student 1] Boner! -[student 2] Boner! 454 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:01,760 Oh, God! 455 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,480 [student 3] Boner. 456 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,120 Every year. Every year someone has a pop, don't they? 457 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,000 Come on, Sutherland. Let's get you a glass of water. 458 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,400 -[laughs] -[music plays] 459 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:13,680 What's the problem? 460 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,600 I wanted you to come here with me tonight, yeah? 461 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,520 You decide to go out with your friends instead. 462 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,720 What's wrong with that? 463 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:19,960 What do you mean what's wrong with that? 464 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,600 I had to come here on my own. 465 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,400 I fucking warned you about talking to Charlotte. 466 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,040 You are taking the piss! 467 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,520 I didn't! I wasn't! She came over to me! 468 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,880 -Mr. Gilbert! Mr. Gilbert! -Hey! Put him down! 469 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:36,240 [music stops] 470 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,160 -Or what? -Yeah, leave him alone. 471 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,000 [student 1] What's wrong with you? He ain't even done nothing. 472 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,760 -Don't be a dickhead, Donovan. -[student 2] Wanker! 473 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,200 [student 3] Yeah, fuck off, Donovan. 474 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,040 Leave the speccy short-arse alone. 475 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,280 He's organized a good party. 476 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,000 Yeah, Briefcase is all right, Donovan. Don't be a tit. 477 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,160 Charlotte. 478 00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,640 Thanks. That was really kind. And really great. 479 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,000 I sort of knew that I'd have to say a few words of thanks 480 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,920 at some point tonight. So I've prepared a little speech... 481 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,480 [music starts] 482 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,160 Again. Of course. 483 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:22,880 Well done, children. 484 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,120 A fairly innocuous jamboree of adolescent nonsense. 485 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,880 Fear not, the relationships that some of you 486 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,040 have entered into tonight, 487 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,960 well, they may seem like everything now, 488 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,280 but they'll be over in a matter of weeks. 489 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,440 Now, if we can just make it home 490 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,760 without tagging people's property... 491 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,720 Yeah. I may go to bed relatively hate free. 492 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,800 Oi! You two! Do you want me to fetch up my dinner? Go home! 493 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,400 I'm allowed to enjoy this, aren't I? 494 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,960 Oh, yeah. Well done, mate. Top night. 495 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:05,400 Tonight, I win. Party was good, Charlotte probably not a bet, 496 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,440 and best of all, Donovan didn't beat me up. 497 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,160 That last one you can only enjoy over the holiday. 498 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,880 He'll kill you next term. 499 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,360 Did you really enjoy it, though? 500 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,040 Yeah, I had a laugh. Why did you think I hadn't? 501 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,480 Well, you know. It didn't exactly go to plan with Carli. 502 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,520 Well... I was standing there, 503 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,040 ready to say all this stuff to her, 504 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,720 and it just wouldn't come out. 505 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,160 And then I thought, am I really that bothered? 506 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,240 And then Neil tried to fuck the teacher. 507 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:33,560 Oh, leave me alone. 508 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,840 Honestly, she looked like she was going to slap you. 509 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,960 But I think your erection scared her off. 510 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,200 -What were you thinking? -I don't know. 511 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,000 -I think it was the suit. -It was definitely too jazzy. 512 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,640 I thought Miss Timms would like it. 513 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,120 Even though she's 30, is going out with Gilbert, 514 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,680 would go to prison for snogging you? 515 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,280 Gilbert was all right about it, actually. 516 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,640 Are you looking forward to biology next term? 517 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,960 -Not really. -It should be interesting. 518 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,000 Oi, oi! Guess who just got a blowy behind the decks? 519 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,720 -Well, not you, obviously. -Guess again. 520 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,040 Jay, you're my mate. But please, for once, just don't lie. 521 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,120 -What happened? -Blowy. 522 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,880 I said, "Please don't lie." 523 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,600 All right, all right. She gave me a hand job, not a blowy. 524 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,320 [all] Ah! 525 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,400 I knew it was bollocks. 526 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,200 What? I just got a hand job on the school stage. 527 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,560 That's better than any of you. 528 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,960 Bollocks. It's already come down from a blow job. 529 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,320 You'll be telling us it was outside the trousers next. 530 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,040 -It was. -That doesn't count! 531 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,360 Oh, well, that's not even a hand job, then! 532 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,080 What has just happened there, 533 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,640 my friend, is you've spunked yourself. 534 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,320 -That counts. -Doesn't count. 535 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,680 I haven't cleaned my cock yet, so... 536 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,320 Does this count? 537 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,440 [all exclaiming in disgust]